I was sitting here on my couch, reflecting about how this term can and will be better than next term and I realized that it was all up to me. I had the power to make or beak my grades this term, and one of the reasons that this is playing in my head is that my last grade for last term has finally come in. I got a B-. Now, on its own, this grade doesn’t seem all that bad, but considering this is my major (Women’s Studies) and also my highest grade, its pathetic. And the only reason it was like that, is because of me and the amount of effort I put into my last term. That is going to change with this next one.
Every term, and every year, I say this same thing. “I will make more of an effort.” “I will do my readings, I’ll make time for them. I promise.” “I can’t have another term like the last one, I’ll do better this term.” These are all lines that I have said numerous times to varied people over the past year and a half, and nothing has been done different. This last term was slightly better than second semester last year, but not by much. And it wasn’t because of my putting in anymore effort (at least not noticeably).
I don’t want to say that everything will be different this term, that I’ll miraculously find some self-discipline that’s incredibly stronger than what I have and that my grades will shoot straight to As, because I would probably be lying. As good as my intentions start as, they always decline. I can start a term great, doing all my readings, paying attention in class, and all that fun stuff, but before even midterms are coming around I’m done. This term I want to create a steady plan. I’m hoping that with this plan (that I have yet to create) that I can finally get past this slump of non-caring that I have gotten into and move on into the next phase of my life: doing good at university, for the time that I have left. If I don’t pick up my life, then I’m closing a lot of doors for myself. And I don’t want to do that.
With this new resolve in place, I’m off to get dressed and start doing some readings. Wish me luck.